I don’t think you’re supposed to come into a relationship thinking that’s the person you going to be with forever.
Published on May 03, 2026 | By Luyanda Mtshali
When you say that my statement is absurd, you are also using the same logic of knowing someone is a certain way during the relationship and you think tying them down to marriage or the idea of a forever will change that very behaviour. You cannot get into a relationship and prioritise umlasto over what’s happening in the present.
When you chase umlasto, it’s very easy to lose sight of the things you should actually be observing.
- How is the person behaving now?
- How do you feel about them now?
- Are you enjoying yourself now?
This is just the same thing as worrying about a future you have no context over instead of the present which is much more important.
That’s why you’ll find people staying in horrible ass relationships for years all because they prioritised umlasto over their happiness. Being afraid to start over is a disease.
You didn’t care about what that person made you feel in the present because you just want to be with somebody.
Prioritising umlasto also makes you prone to tolerating nonsense, because your main goal is not to be happy and make memories but to be with someone at the end. Like you will eventually dampen your standards because you want to be with someone forever ngenkani. This is where the “settling down” phrase comes from.
You’re fighting to just have someone regardless of whether they love you the way you need them to
Just think of it this way.
Sometimes when you go to a place and say there are no Ubers or you don’t have your own car, there’s no one mode of transport that will take you from your home to the destination. You need to take a taxi from one point to another and another one to the said destination. Those taxis are all an integral part of the journey. Without one of those, you’re not going to get there.
Human relations are sometimes like that. Some people come into your life to get you ready to go to the next point of your life, teach you certain lessons and leave. That’s what character development is. You’re not yet ready.
Now when you go into relationships with the focus on umlasto, you over extend the time that these people have to spend in your life and over estimate the value that they’re going to offer or bring into your life. You’re setting yourself up for major disappointment.
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